Mallie Jean is Fourteen.... a long long overdue life update :)

 

Well, the last post was on her golden birthday 4 years ago - I think I say this every time but where or where did the time go?  I started this originally to keep family and friends in the loop on all the things.  Appointments, surgeries, milestones, accomplishments, the good, the bad and everything in between.  I am still in awe of the years and who/what she is becoming.  From a baby with so many challenges making the unknowns even more scary to today.  As a parent it's still scary and I still worry - but I don't think that ever goes away.  

So here we are she is in the 8th grade already, she got her first phone this year!  She has been on the track team since 6th grade, running the 70m and the 100m.  She play percussion in the band and wants to take choir!  She is still going strong in 4h showing Lambs and goats every year at the fair.  Last year we went to lamb camp, and it has helped her confidence so much so that she was able to show independently.  She gets all A's and B's in school. Absolutely loves school still!  

I feel like this may be a ramble and all over the place since it has been so long, so bear with me :) 

Mallie graduated out of PT services at school last year - that was bittersweet. But a great thing none the less.  She still has a one-on-one aid but its scaled back a lot.  We may still have one going into HS until we are acclimated into that big school.  

She loves to go to concerts now and pretty sure she doesn't like if I go without her!  Love it!  

She claims that she is not scared of mascots anymore, so Disney needs to happen in the near future.  Haha time will tell.  

She is sassy like a teen, and we have big big emotions at times.  Lots of changes happening all around for both of us.  She started dancing at a new studio also bittersweet.  Not sure her studio is opening yet, and she was wanting to get started.  Normally start in early September- she seemed to transition well there and loves it.  

Since her 10th birthday we have added a Bun bun  - {Sunny Bunny} and a Lab/golden retriever Pup {Copper} to the fam.  They are both 2 years old now.  We got them a month apart.  Bun bun was planned but Copper not so much.  He is wild and crazy, but super super sweet.  Cash has adjusted well and is still my dog ha-ha!  Tho when I am not around, he sticks close to Mallie.  

My goal is to keep up this blog more often  - its late and my brain has emptied all it can for now.  Stay tuned for more Mallie updates soon, Love to all :) 

Steph

The Golden Birthday! Happy 10th Sweet Girl

Mallie - you turned TEN today 💚 - I think every year I say it but this year for sure - I just can’t believe the Golden Birthday has come.  Ten on the 10th!  You have grown so much , I am so very proud of you!  You have the biggest love for babies and animals.  Especially doggies (like your momma).  Your heart is kind and you bring light into this world that can only be felt by your presence.  I love your jokes and the way you have to sleep with a stuffed animal or a baby each night.     You surprise me all the time with your bravery to try new things.  You are growing up faster than we are ready for .  Your Laugh is my favorite!  I love how organized you are and you remember dates like it’s your job!  Your love for school is awesome - please don’t lost that.  You mean the world to me and I am so blessed to be your momma!  May you never lose your heart for others - you will bring great love to the world my dear.  Love you always - Mommy

Happy 9th Birthday Mallie Jean

I think I say this every year but it couldn’t be more true.  Time Flies!!!  Looking back tho for real I can’t believe we have fast forwarded this far.  You are so beautiful!  You are sassy and feisty but so sweet at the same time.  Your are the light to th days and your spirit amazes me all the time.  I wish I could slow the clock down but at the same time seeing you grow and succeed is a gift!  So many exciting things to come for you sweetie pie.  I hope you know how loved  you are - Mommy Loves you with all my heart!  Happy Birthday!  

Love Always ,

Mommy

Happiest of Birthdays to you Mallie Bean! 8 Years flew by......

Mallie -

8 years!  Where does the time go?  You are still young and have no idea how fast it can really go yet?  Grandpa Roy always said to not rush it and man he was right.  Every year you make life more fun and exciting.  Your love for reading and school is perfect, I hope you never lose that!  Last year at this time you were doing sight words great and now you can read beginner chapter books.  Second grade is going to be another year of amazing growth and so many fun experiences.  I am both so excited and happy to watch you grow - but bittersweet as you gain more and more independence!  There was a time when you were a baby that everything was so up in the air.  Would you be able to crawl, walk, talk, hear?  Every step we took , you took with us and now look at you.  Your laugh lights up an entire room, you are running everywhere, and you can talk our ears off.  You have started dance this year too, I am so very excited to see how this changes your game.  Making you stronger!  All I ever want is to see you happy, pursuing your passions, enjoying life and loving your family and friends.  You my dear are doing just that!   You have your fiesty spunky side - as well as your frustrated don't mess with me side.  I love all your sides and love seeing your personality continue to evolve.  I am looking forward to another year of fun, and some new adventures.  I love you with all my heart Mallie!  Happiest of Birthdays to you!  Love you to the Moonie and the Backie :)  Mommy

I can do nothing or I can do something....

I have already tried nothing........ this may be a ramble but here it goes.....

Today I was reminded that I am not on this earth to do nothing - I was that girl that was complacent and living in the past.  Not excited for the future - just wandering thru life.  Mallie was born and it was the start of me LIVING MY FREAKIN LIFE!  At that moment it no longer became about me anymore.  It was all about her and it still is. Almost 8 years ago that little light of mine came into the world needing more than the average child.  She needed a warrior to advocate for her, and that is just what I have done.  I have fought for EVERYTHING and I will continue to.  God knew I needed her and she needed me.  I needed to step up and Do something.  It was the start of me finding myself - what was i put on earth to do.  What was my purpose?  We all have one - some choose to ignore it, some have not found it and that is ok for awhile.  But until you find that purpose, that passion that fuels you - you are not truly living.   I know I have been there, and when I woke up  - it has changed my life.   3 Years ago I was called to courage,to do something that was so out of my realm - NOT anything you could have seen coming.  I never saw it coming.  I found something that not only has changed my families health, but it has given me hope for my future.  I am dreaming again.... when we become adults so many of us lose that ability to DREAM.  What do we want for ourselves, family and our future?  Have you thought about that?  in a positive way?  Do you believe you can achieve it?  There is a huge difference between wishing and doing the activity to get you there.  Mallie conditioned me for my calling.  She needed me to fight for her when she couldn't herself.  I believe that there are so many people out there that need me to that for them.  I am growing and changing so If my approach to helping others does not come out the way I see it in my head that is something I am working on.  I don't want to sell people anything - I want to share what is working for us.  We live in a world full of new chemical daily, processed fast food, pollution, fast moving.  So many are SICK with things never heard of, kids have hospitals dedicated to them.  My friends and family fight illness all the time.  People I care about get cancer, they get autoimmune diseases and they don't even know they can help themselves.  They settle for pills, drs with no answers, chronic pain, feeling trapped in their own homes, watching their kids suffer with diseases only seen in adults.  I can't just sit here and do NOTHING - I have already done that and what good does that do?  I have such a heart and passion for others.  IT may be the perception of some that I only want a customer.  That is far from the truth.  Being a customer supports my family yes, but what good is it if you don't value it and understand what it is.  Not everyone is ready, not everyone believes they have options.  I understand that, I can't help everyone - but I can help someone and I am not giving up!  I see the FB posts of so many - battling their health.  I can't imagine what some may have gone thru or will go thru.  So many claim to help and want to sell sell sell.  It really puts bad taste in the mouths of those struggling and not finding a solution.  I most recently have been silently battling something.   Only those close to me know but I have not found an answer yet or relief.  It really has put a damper on my spirit and it has distracted me the last few months.  I finally decided this week that I can't dwell on this, we will figure it out.  I am called to deal with this for now and its only making me stronger.  Just to ease your mind I have had all the diagnostics tests done and ruled out all the BAD stuff.  I am not dying and I need to suck it up.  I am so thankful for my good nutrition and the resources I have available to me because of my business.  All blood work and all CT. MRI imaging is all normal -  The western medical drs have nothing.  Mostly I feel like I am fighting my body from wanting to daydream./space out 24/7.  Weirdest feeling in the world , and I admit i was so starting to freak out with the testing  - but everything has come back normal.  EVERYTHING!  Acupuncture and chiropractors have been my best friends.  I know I will get past it - maybe even wake up one day and it will be normal, ha!  Normal is seriously over-rated!  My whole point in sharing this is , I got so consumed in myself.  Letting a lot of things slide - not anymore.  I am going to control my mindset from now on!  I have to much to give to just sit back and dwell on things I can't control.  I feel like how dare I not get over myself - this too shall pass.  I do have so much empathy for those dealing with chronic illness or things not explained.  Trying one thing after another, test after test.  It can be exhausting and each time you hope you find something even if its devastating.  At least I have an answer is what I have thought.  However I am so thankful I have my health and even tho its not perfect now, I will be ok.   My only advice is keep searching for something that may help you.  Even if your doctor is not 100% on board, We have to be our own advocates.  That is one thing having Mallie has taught me - Western medicine is needed but they are not the only options out there.  My god if I just listened to every person in charge of Mallie's care - we sure as hell would not be where we are today.  Have you seen her?  My daughter is amazing!  I don't mind bragging - that girl has been thru hell.  Defied so many obstacles and showed up to her life all the time.  When I was worried and wondering if she would do this, would do that.  She HAS and my heart could just burst every time I look at her.  What if I had not fought?  What if  I settled..... and So What happens when they say well this all I got for you?  Leaving you with no solution, no answers.  Better yet what if you are not OK with what they have to say?  Like when Mallie was on a adult dose of miralax for 3 years....  Seriously - even the DR of INTEsTINES said that was my only option.  WTF really?  When you open up the pamphlet on that chemical shit storm - it says in big bold letters.  NOT INTENDED FOR CHILDREN.  Yet Drs are OK letting them eat it daily in Large doses.  No long term studies ....Oh its ok, really?  Why does the label say that then?  It infuriates me  - this is not the only drug out there given to kids like candy.  Its the only one I have a personal experience with.  I sought out other options because I am 100% not ok with that!  My daughter means the world to me and I would take a bullet for her - why the hell would I poison her from the inside out?  I realize she needs to go to the bathroom...but I just knew there had to be a better way.   DR's can't help it they are trained to treat symptoms (not speaking for all).  We don't have HEALTH CARE in the world we have Sick care.  You don't go to them for prevention, right?  maybe a yearly check up and they may offer some advice.  Lets be honest  - we go to them when something is wrong 99% of the time.  That is where I come in - I want to help others learn to prevent.  I want to give people hope!  Those I have already - I thank you for believing in me.  Thank you for letting me part of your journey.   I want to inspire you to make a decision to not settle and not give up!  If that means you decide to join the Juice Plus Family, great!  IF it means you decide not to drink pop daily, yes!  Or if it means you started walking daily, drinking more water, googling info about health concerns - all of this is me doing my JOB - my calling is to inspire others to make a change for the better.  Join me in making a difference in people's lives!  I want to leave you with the lyrics to a song from Wonder Woman (go see this movie)  Fight for yourself, fight for others that can't find for themselves.  Love people!  The world needs more of that now more than ever!

To Be Human - sia - watch here
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f-BcIkbedIc


To be human is to love
even when it gets too much
I'm not ready to give up
To be human is to love
Even when it gets too much
There's no reason to give up

Full Circle..

It is a beautiful Sun Shiny day here in Michigan - COLD but the sun is amazing for the soul. I have been bad at keeping up on this blog I know - Every once in a while like yesterday something sparks me and I am COMPELLED to share.  I started this blog for my baby Mallie who is now 7 years old.  During the times that were hard and her surgeries early on this was a way for me to get my feelings out.  It was a place to share how she was doing so that others could follow along and easier for me to reach everyone in one fell swoop.  If you have not read this blog before and do not know our story please take a peak.  Here is the post that I will be referencing, a huge loss in my life.
 http://malliebean.blogspot.com/2010/09/life.html.

So Sept 18th was the day I lost my dad, it will be 7 years already this next September.  My mom came over yesterday and we were talking.  I don't know how it came up but we ended up getting out Mallie's baby book for her first year.  My mom was telling Mallie she had a photo of him holding her.  I have all of the photos in her book so I let Mallie and my Mom look thru the book while I was making dinner.  There is always the what ifs... what if he had not stopped taking plavix, what if she had made him go to the dr more - etc..  We know it was heart disease that took him - he had his first heart attack when he was around 55.  Life truly does have crazy ways of working out and we don't always understand especially in time of loss.  He was only 61 years old and his dad was in his 80's when he passed.  He was the youngest boy of 13 kids - yet one of the first to go.  I had just been thru the wildest , emotional ride with our 1 year old little girl.  The timing - we got home from the 18 day hospital stay , drained, scared.  I had no idea if Mallie was going to be ok at home.  She lost so much weight and was never a lover of food.  Her body temp was hard to regulate, her blood sugars were low most of the time.  So much on my mind and so much worry.  So Why would my Dad have to leave this Earth the same night?  I have thought about this many times and wondered how the hell I survived.

The day after my dad passed,  I was talking with my friend Sam - she was one that was called in the middle of the night.  I don't remember a lot of what was said but when we talked the next day after I had been to my mom's house.  She told me how she shared with her little girl Abby.  Abby was only 6 years old and pretty much without hesitation told Sam "He had to go so Mallie could Live"  I won't ever forget that because It has always been on mind that he is watching over her.  The night we came home Mallie did eat her bottle but it was still a struggle at first to get the right temp or whatever.  The next day when we went to my parents house to be with everyone and that whole week, Mallie ate her bottle up and that weight of worry for that week was lifted.  She just ate and anyone that fed her - I don't think it was coincidence.

While in the hospital my dad came to visit a couple times.   My parents and my friends Annie & Sam came down and took me to dinner one night.  It was a good night away from the hospital.  My Dad cracking jokes and just a good night during a time of stress.  He came down one more time after that during our 18 day stay.  We went to lunch while Mallie napped - I remember thinking he looked like he had aged so much even from a couple weeks ago.  He looked a lot like his dad, my grampa.  That was the last time I saw him , he played with Mallie in her crib at the hospital and then him and my mom went home.  It was the last time I talked to him.  Something was going on with him and he never said a word.

So fast forward to yesterday and while we looked at pics and talked about him.  My mom told me something that totally brought me back to Abby's words.  A couple of my dads sisters told my Mom something that my Dad had shared with them.  He told my Aunt's that he made a deal with God to take him instead of Mallie.

I have been thinking about this since yesterday and those close to me know what my beliefs are.  I don't go to Church but I believe.  I don't know what your beliefs are but there is something to be said for our story.  I miss my Dad so much and I wish he could physically be here to see Mallie growing up - however I believe he is and always has been.  Mallie has had times where I would here her giggling in her sleep and I always thought it was him.  He visits me in my dreams sometimes,  I don't always remember the content of them.  As much as I would love to have him here and miss him  - I don't know if I could ever be grateful enough that Mallie is still here with us.  Tho his life was cut short in my opinion, Mallie still had the rest of hers.  I just can't imagine my life without her - I believe everything happens for a reason and wanted to share this today.

Love you all,

Steph

Happy 7th Birthday Mallie Bean

Mallie -

Another year is upon us - tomorrow you will be 7 years old! Every year I say how time flies and this year is no different.  It flew - so fast.  You are growing up :)    I can't imagine what my life would be if you were not given to me.  I was meant to be your momma as much as you were meant to be my daughter.   I love you soooooo Much!  You continue to amaze me every single day! This next year is going to be awesome!  I can't wait to see how much you learn and grow in First Grade.  Happy Birthday to you - Mommy loves you to the moon and back - with all of my heart.

Love,
Mommy