Tubes surgery

Today we woke up at 4am to head to GR for a 6:30am arrival - 7:30 surgery time for Mallie to get her tubes put in her ears. Both Steve and I had flashbacks up getting up to Milk cows and remembered how getting up that early really sucks!! Been a long day for all of us. Out of all the surgerys she has had this one was by far the quickest and easiest. However, it did take longer than expected - Go Figure! The Dr came out and said the tube were in but it took longer because the fluid in there was like CEMENT. That sounds awesome, right? So he took a little extra time to clean them out as best as he could. Then put the tubes in....in the next breath he said that since the fluid was so thick and packed in there that part of the inside of her ear is calcified - I was so tired that I can't remember exactly what he said but we go back in a couple weeks and by then I will be drilling him again with more questions. HE said this kind of thing can be very problem-matic with kids and CI's. Any kid for that matter as the calcification would mean on a normal hearing child - they permanently damaged the inside of her ear. I try to look at the brightside meaning that she does not use that part to hear anyways but I am still mad that this happened. I feel a little bit like its my fault - I mean how long has it been in there? She had an ear infection in the spring that she was treated for and cleared. Then in June when we followed up with her CI dr he said there was still fluid in there - so another round of antibiotics. When we followed up with him again she still had it - which is why we went down today. Another great thing is that these tubes could fall out in a few months and she will need to have them put back in again - he said multiple times - ugh! He also spouted off that kids with this kind of fluid have an allergy or something and will need to follow up with our Dr here and talk about an antihistamine of some kind. He also threw out asthma as something to go along with it. Mallie is not super physically active yet for me to know if she has that....And Really? Does she need anything else to deal with. I already felt bad enough that the fluid in her ear damaged her already non working hearing parts - I suppose I should not beat myself up about it. Its very hard because it could have been prevented I think. The only thing that sucks is this type of fluid also does not always turn to a reg ear infection and because there is no pain - she never complained. OH and because she is DEAF - its not like it affected her hearing. A hearing child would have only resembled a deaf child with really thick fluid. So again I should not be overly hard on myself - but the next thing I am going to roll into makes me feel even worse. So after that little conversation - he asked if her adenoids were removed? No they have not been yet - but that will be the next thing.... her tonsils looked a bit swollen at her last check up but we thought she may have the start of cold coming on. I had my tonsils and adenoids removed when I was 5 so this does not surprise me. That was also my first and almost last surgery. Mallie has had 5 already and she is not 3 yet. So this will be another surgery.....Which I think will be good in the long run but sucks we could not have done all at once. Hell, by the time that is scheduled she will probably need tubes back in those ears again so whatever, right? I mentioned that she sleeps with her mouth open ALOT - and this is where I feel like I failed a bit after researching this. The mouth breathing has caused her gums to be irritated a bit and her lips are always dry. Plus it can cause her jaw to form in a different manner - teeth crowding - restless sleep - possibly sleep apnea. Which I don't know if she has because she does not snore. She is restless sleeper - which can make them more tired during the day -which explains why she still takes a 4 hour nap most days. I don't know how long the mouth breathing at night has been goin on but awhile and feel like I should have said something sooner. I guess I just thought it was her. What I am hoping for is removing the tonsils and adenoids - then the fluid, mouth breathing will correct itself. I just have a feeling he will go in there and something else will be wrong and he won't be able to do it or he will notice something else not quite right that we have to watch or monitor. I have been trying to stay on the most normal path with Mallie - since the first year and half was so rough. It has been really great to stride towards everyday normal toddler activities and development. Also this stuff is really so minor in comparison to what she has been thru already. I just want to have a normal childhood for her - one not spent on testing and dr appts. The last year since having her implants has been as normal as could be I guess - i am just ranting as it always leads to something else with her. I feel bad for her and its frustrating for us. Also remember me talking about her tantrums - they disappeared after I lowered her dosage back on the GH - but they slowly creeped back in. In the last 2 days she has had 3 of them. They are not pretty and disturb me as I don't know what to do . I don't know if its her being frustrated to communicate - sometimes they are for no good reason. I think when she is tired that does not help but so far I don't know how to pinpoint it before it happens. I know I will be fine but tonite I feel like a bad mom and I am little frustrated again. Tomorrow I will make the calls and line up the apts again and we will push forward like always. Things will be ok - I just need a good nights sleep and typing this out made me feel a smidge better :)