Seriously Cont..........

I want someone to come to room 9402 and rip my heart out - its almost all the way there anyways.  The bloodwork taken this afternoon from Mallie's IV in her head....was not encouraging at all.  Her WBC is very high - 4 days ago it was 7 and now its 22!  Platelets are still high and higher than before as well.  The did a blood culture too - but we won't have the prelim results until tomorrow at 6ish.  Then the final results are not for 72 hours.  I think I want to die - really - I can not take much more of this and I don't know how much Mallie's little body can take either.  I know she is a fighter but one of the infections they are checking for could do some major damage to her body.  I am trying to keep being positive - but you know what - nothing has worked out in our favor - NOTHING!  So my optimism is running extremely low.  I have so many heightened emotions right now - I go from scared to sad to pissed or even all at once.  My little baby - my poor little baby.  She has been sleeping for awhile now - since the IV got put back in.  They are going to start 2 kinds of antibiotics to cover a multitude of things until we know for sure if its bacteria based or not.  They warned me that one of them can cause a flushing of the skin (extreme redness). Well you know it will because she is allergic to everything and any possible thing that can happen does.  So I retract the statement from earlier - we will not be going home tomorrow or the next day.....I am guessing not until all her symptoms subside and the final results of the blood culture come back.  Then we still have the sugar issue to contend with once she is back off IV fluids - oh and her feeds too.  DEEP BREATHS!!!!!!!!  Deep breaths.